Baby and the Family
Family Life

Coping with the changes
The new arrival will be responsible for certain changes in the daily working of your home.
Just because they are tiny doesn't mean they can't totally alter the balance of the household and you need to be on the lookout for how everyone is coping with the changes.
Is someone feeling left out in your family group?
Is someone intruding in to your family set-up? How can you tackle this?
Is anyone having difficulty in coping with the new situation?

Steps to take
Make time to talk. Choose a moment that suits you both, when you're not hungry or especially tired.
Listen! Listen! Listen to what the other person is saying.
Don't be critical or attach blame when you talk about what is worrying you.
When receiving what is being said take time to respond. Don't react.

You matter!
Don't neglect your personal development at this time. It is essential for your well being and baby's, that you take time to grow in one area at least that is separate from family duties.
Many women opt to catch up on study they may have missed out on earlier. With today's information revolution this is as easy as going on line. Join a gym, many have good creche options. Take a class at night school and learn how to...whatever!
Be creative, get crafty and you might even be able to make a few dollars at the local market. Garden, join a book club, make time for at least one thing that is just for you.

Your partner Remember young love? Pretty hard to do with nappies, washing, dishes and other chores all needing to be done. Take a break from family life to be a couple again.

Its amazing, couples with young children become like teenagers when given the freedom that they so recently took for granted. Take advantage of grandparents who may offer to baby-sit. Its great for them and even better for you.

Keeping Romance Alive
This doesn't have to be a flash affair. Even if you just have a romantic night in, soft lights, a glass of wine and some nice music on the CD player. Romance is what you make it.

Sex Yes it does still happen after baby, not so often maybe but if things are not going well don't give up.
Take some time to de-stress yourselves before starting to get romantic.
Set the table nicely with candles and a bottle of wine.
Take a candlelit bath.
Take the phone off the hook.

If you need to communicate about a specific problem try to be positive when stating what you want, not what he/she does that you don't like. Even if things are not too fantastic for a while keep at it, there is something wonderful about physical contact with your partner that has a wonderful restorative effect which can make the whole experience fulfilling in a whole new way.

Shared Goals
Take time out to talk to one another about where you see yourselves as a family in a year, in five years and so on. Communication is the secret to any good relationship, if you are functioning as one unit you are half way there.

Working and Sharing
Lots of talk can assist you to how to sort out the division of labour in the home. Have areas of responsibility or share time slots when you are responsible for everything at that time. All couples are different so no one solution can work for everyone.

Find out what you and your partner can cope with and don't be afraid to compromise the schedule occasionally. Flexibility is the key here as situations change from time to time and you may have some weeks that are busier than others, as may your partner. Be there for them and count your blessings, solo parents have to manage everything on their own.

Plan and think ahead, a year long diary planner stuck on the back of the pantry door gives each partner a constant reminder of a busy period coming soon and a monthly indepth page gives each other access to dates that have significance when making new appointments.

Share Tasks
New Dads need to be included and this gives Mums a chance to get on with something that doesn't involve baby. Talk with friends and family about how they apportion tasks and then work out what suits you both.

Make room for your partner's unique style of dressing, bathing or feeding baby. It may not be what your mother did and what you do but that does not make his experience invalid. Do not criticise his efforts unnecessarily but try to accommodate the differences.

Sleep
Take turns sleeping in on the weekends. If one of you gets up for the night feeds, this person needs a break a couple of nights a week to catch up. Nurse in another room so one person is not disturbed at all.

Schedule tasks
Some people find this is the only way to get things done around the house. If you find jobs are not getting done when they need to be done, try this. Even if you only allocate a small amount of time to each task you'll find that chipping away at it a little every day can make all the difference. Gardening for instance, its amazing how much ten minutes three times a week can accomplish.

Conflict
Bound to happen sooner or later, it will happen so be prepared. Fight the right fight and all will soon be put right. Agree to disagree, accept that you will have differences of opinion from time to time and work out in advance a formula that you can follow when situations arise.

Do not use a disagreement as an excuse to vent all the frustrations of the last days, weeks or months, stick to the issues at hand and stay friends while you sort it out. When the heat goes up, go out and cool off. Make up properly, preferably in front of those you argued in front of so they can see everything's okay.

In the Community
Nothing feels as good as helping others. If you are coping well offer to help out in your community. Maybe help another mum who needs a break by taking her children for a couple of hours, or see if your elderly neighbour would like to pick up some shopping.

People who are involved with other people never have enough time to be weighed down with problems.

Single Parenting

Take time to be an individual. It's tough to find time and money to get out and about but enlist the support of family and friends.
Those who are parents themselves know how hard it must be for you so will be pleased to support you in many different ways be it baby sitting or cooking you a meal or just being someone to listen to your problems and share their experiences.
Think positive, you get to make the decisions you want without having to run them past someone else, and you don't have to share the TV remote!

Father's Role
Increased involvement in recent years Dad's are now more likely to take formal paternity leave, change nappies or work flexibly. Daily involvement in their children's lives is a reality for many fathers. This is good news for children, wives, marriages and the fathers themselves.

Bonding
Be yourself, you're not mum, and unless you are the primary caregiver don't try to be. Try some of these activities if you're not too sure how to bond with Junior.
Have a staring competition, chances are you'll lose concentration, there are so many interesting things to see on baby's face.
Take the middle of the night feed, have some expressed milk or formula ready to go and go for it. You may find you love these special times, just you and baby together.
Pop baby into a pouch attached to your belly and go about your business about the home, baby loves the contact.
Baths are a great way for you both to relax and wash away the cares of the day.
Read, sing or recite nursery rhymes to baby. Baby knows your voice very well after 9 months of listening you talking so its a very soothing sound.
Feed baby the evening meal and giving your partner a chance to cook your evening meal or just relax. Swap around sometimes and play chef, there are many simple but tasty meals that taste even better when someone else has cooked them!
Change the nappy - well someone's gotta do it and it may as well be you!
Exercise together. When baby can support his/her own neck incorporate baby into your exercise routine. They love this sort of physical closeness but exercise some caution and check with your partner as to what exercises are appropriate.

Play play play - you're baby's number one toy. Believe me Dads can elicit more delighted squeals from baby than anyone else in the whole family.

Siblings
Include siblings as much as possible when expecting another baby. Children are naturally curious and love to be included in what is going on around the home. Set aside special time to be with your older sons/daughters and let them know this is their time.

Story reading at bedtime is a great time but if it doesn't work choose a time when baby is asleep or when Dad can step in.

Show and Tell
Let your children play with your belly and talk to baby.
Everytime there is a baby on TV or outside at the park inform them they are going to have a baby just like that. Tell children that baby is a special friend for them, a playmate who can sleep over every night. Books from library are a great way of showing your child what is happening and what to expect.

Bring siblings to the hospital and introduce them to the new baby, let them get involved in what you are doing. Let them take time out from day-care or pre-school/school to bring the new arrival home (take up for half a day later if you need a break).
Gifts
There are a lot of new things and gifts associated with a new baby. Make this a special occasion for the other children as well by getting inexpensive gifts for them as well. When taking siblings to visit the new baby for the first time give big brother/sister a gift. This is not bribery it just makes them feel special too.

It is also a good idea at birthday times as well if the non-birthday child gets a small token just until they are at school age.
Helping
Children love to help and this will help them to feel included and important as they are part of the team that is caring for the new baby. This is the start of their special responsibility as an older sibling so you can't overdo it really.
Though if you have much older children don't depend on their help too much as they have usually had a long day at school and need time to recover at the end of their day.
If the sibling is too little to understand fully what is going on give them a baby doll to look after. They can watch and join in with their own 'baby'.

Stepfamilies

This can be a positive experience for blended families as it can unite the members but it is a complicated arrangement and needs to be thought about carefully with needs of existing members acknowledged. High expectations on existing family members about their positive feelings towards the new arrival can lead to difficulties.

Age and experience are other factors to consider. Siblings may be in their teens, one partner may already be an experienced parent while the other a rookie, all of these situations need to be considered carefully.

Adding a baby can affect relationships which may already be quite fragile. Existing children may fear that they are being replaced, a new mum may find it hard to feel in control when her partner has been through parenthood before, while a first-time father may feel that his needs are being squeezed out.

Communication
Important in all families it's vital in a blended family, talk and encourage your children to talk about their feelings even if they appear to be inappropriate. Just because they have jealous feelings does not make them a bad person, and they can be easily worked through in a positive way.
Encourage a relationship to grow but don't ever force it as this may lead to resentment.
When a marriage partner has been replaced by a new spouse and then a new baby comes along, an older child may feel that they too are going to be replaced by this new arrival. Involve your children in the pregnancy and caring of the new baby so they can feel part of the team.

Extended Family
In laws Always a difficult relationship hence all those terrible in law jokes, a good relationship can be worked at but it does take lots of give and take on both sides. New mothers often do need support and advice and there are ways of going about getting this. The chief thing is to be yourself and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.
If this is your first baby chances are you are still learning, try to be gracious, remember you inlaws have been through this before and baby rearing, although different today is still fundamentally the same as it was twenty odd years ago.
Relax, smile and while keeping eye contact explain firmly what you intend to do and why. If that doesn't work try to remember that this is their beloved grandchild (a first sometimes) and naturally they want to be involved. Try to create a way they can help on their terms, say take baby to their house once a week for the morning while you do your weekly shopping or go to the gym.

Grandparents
The wonderful thing about in laws is that they are also grandparents and they have so much to give the children of this next generation. The sense of connection with the past and the wealth of knowledge and experience they can pass on to your children is a fantastic legacy.
Not all grandparents have the same style of grandparenting but no matter whether they are the young hip substitute parent type, or the more traditional kind who like to teach your children to fish and knit, they are a fantastic addition to your child's care base.
If your children's grandparents live in another city use this to your advantage to arrange a childfree break for you and your partner, or if you get on well with them take time out to visit with your kids and enjoy the break.
Having the Internet and other communication technology at our disposal makes communicating a breeze and a relationship even with a grandparent who is overseas can still be a positive force in your child's life.

Travelling with Baby
Travelling with baby to see friends and relations does not need to be a nightmare of epic proportions if you are well organised. You will need to take a lot of gear with you so make sure everything that you take is essential but don't omit things that will add to baby's enjoyment of the trip.

Car travel
Plunket has an excellent car seat hire service available so contact them. This is ideal for the first six months as baby's car seat needs are different when they are tiny. You will probably wish to invest in your own seat once baby reaches this age.
Check your fitting of the seat before you start out. It shouldn't move more than 1 cm.
A head cushion around baby's head protects those vulnerable head muscles in little babies.
Don't be concerned that you've packed enough for what looks like three weeks just for a day's outing, anyone whose had babies knows it's one bag for mum/dad and three for baby! Also people will make allowances for you running late, there are always complications when travelling with baby so do add extra time to your journey for unexpected stops.


Air travel
Different airlines have different rules about when little babies can fly so check with the airline before you book. old. New parents may feel understandable concern about how their baby will react in a public and confined space. A screaming child, drawing attention from fellow passengers is a common nightmare of parents taking a baby on its first flight. 

Make sure that your baby's basic needs are met: your baby has a clean nappy, is well fed, warm and comfortable. Many parents will find their babies sleep during a flight some airlines have sky cots available. Check when you book. Allow plenty of time at the for check-in, and connecting flights. Remember how much longer it takes to achieve anything with kids in tow and apply the same formula to your travel plans. You may like to get a seat away from your partner that way one of you can get a rest while the other tends to baby's needs.

Go for comfort with your clothing dress in layers so you can be the right temperature no matter where you land and take off.
Fill in all your paperwork at home before you leave that way you have your hands free all the other things that will fill them.
Earache - encourage baby to suck and swallow during landing and takeoff to equalise the pressure between their ears.
Take a dual watch to monitor baby's regular schedule so you can make the changes gradually and not expect them to be in sync with the new environment.



Vaccination and immunisation
Check baby is up to date with their schedule before you leave on an extended trip.
Babies and children travelling abroad may need extra immunisations depending on their age and the country you are visiting. 
Food and water precautions
Take precautions to avoid unnecessary risks with food and water, particularly with babies and young children. It may be necessary to provide your baby with boiled, specially treated or bottled water. Unweaned babies should drink only breast milk or formula milk, prepared with boiled water.