Don't worry and relax, there will come a time in the near future when the new arrival will stop being a complex and uncertain entity and will just be darling Johnny or Janey. Baby will become a new member of the family with their own likes and dislikes.
Get as much rest as possible. No, that's not a joke, the housework can wait, your baby can't. Enjoyment is the key to successful bonding, take time out of your busy schedule to enjoy your baby and you will be amply rewarded.
Previous Pregnancy Loss
If you have experienced a previous loss (i.e. miscarriage, abortion or stillbirth) it may affect your ability to bond with your next baby. The pregnancy and birth of a subsequent child is often the trigger event that releases repressed guilt or anxiety about the previous loss. These aroused feelings of distress can impede bonding with the newborn child who is subconsciously "connected" with the stress.
There is also an uncountable multitude of children whose mothers, at least for a while, contemplated aborting them. This contemplation of an abortion can impede proper in-utero bonding between mother and child, at least in the early stages, and possibly throughout the pregnancy.
The good news is that are certain techniques that you can use to overcome this:
- gentle massage (circular rubbing) of your stomach, especially after the first trimester, continue to massage baby after birth
- read a children's story to your baby each day, so baby will get used to your voice also sing lullabies to baby as you do your regular chores. Dad should take his turn with the stories and songs.
- play soothing music each day (i.e.Vivaldi or Mozart). Make it the same few pieces and continue to play them after birth to help baby settle easier, especially when fretful.
- Set a little time aside every day just to communicate with your baby the hopes and dreams you have for him or her. Your baby won't understand the words you are using, but will certainly become familiar with your voice.
Premature, Caesarean, Adopted & Multiple Babies
These babies have to learn about being loved. Parents must spend a great deal of time with their baby in a secure environment and they must touch, cuddle, hug and stroke their baby to reinforce the feeling of being loved.
Go here for more information about birth trauma and maternal rejection.
Go here for "Coping Tips" For the first weeks with your new baby.
